My heart sank when I was asked recently by an old friend who lost her mother to photograph the funeral and the events following the funeral. I was made aware that her mother was ill and I desperately wanted to take family photos prior to her mother's passing... my offer wasnt timely enough. When she asked me to photograph the funeral I panicked actually, but I heavy-heartedly agreed. I sunk into my chair and thought, having fairly recently lost my father, how I would feel with someone at my Dad's funeral having a camera all up in my face while I was grieving? I panicked even more. I gave alot of thought and even lost a little sleep over how to accomplish this task - capturing this event, giving my friend the memories of these moments that she needed for her own comfort, while respecting the family's need for space and privacy...
The funeral took place on a snowy day during the first week in January. I took very few photos at the funeral home, simply because I felt that the family needed to be comfortable crying or even screaming if they wanted to without having to think in the back of their minds how they would look in a photo!
I was able to do some quiet reflecting as I followed the family to the cemetery. The burial ceremony was brief. The mood began to shift a bit.
The repast was held at the beautiful home of a family friend. The overall mood shifted again and shooting became easy. I tried to capture moments as unobtrusively as I possibly could. What I saw was, as Stevie Wonder put it, Joy Inside their Tears. The family was genuinely happy to just be in each other's company, celebrating the life of my friend's mother together.
Towards the end of the evening, stories and personal items were being shared, and through the veil of their tears was laughter. I never had the privilege of meeting my friend's mother but somehow I think that celebration of her life and legacy is exactly what she would have wanted.
Before I made my exit, I took several family photos, and those are the photos that I enjoyed the most because while the pain of their loss was obvious, the dynamic and love shared among the family was prevalent!
Plainly put, death hurts! The pain of a loved one being gone is one that hits hard and lingers. But the support of your family and friends helps to ease the pain and over time, what you remember most are the happiest moments shared.
I think I will always have some level of ambivalence in shooting at a funeral, but visual memories, even of painful events, are absolutely crucial...
♥
